Friday, April 9, 2010


The Tenth-Floor-Gay Boy


“Ate, tell him I am taken,” he said to the female security guard I am considering as informal friend of mine. Maybe, he told those exact words to her and Ate, herself, passed the message to me… from then on I was as though buried under the deep part of the tenth floor (which was literally the ninth floor). I didn’t know why I had to feel that as the initial reaction towards something I should have ignored in the first place… but it was igniting deep within me!!!
Okay, let me tell you the whole story…
It was during the last weeks of my bumpy relationship with Dane when I started having a CRUSH on someone from the office. Those were the times when I started to envy sweet couples and started to desire for the sweetness comin’ from my boyfriend. You know when you are taken but you feel like you’re not anymore because sparks had gone…gone…gone… Or maybe was just taken for granted or something like that…
The story began on a hectic morning. I was using the Fire Exit (instead of the lift) to go down from the 10th floor (where my locker was located) to the 9th floor (where I needed to work) when I saw this guy coming up from the 9th floor (where his locker was located) to the 10th floor (where he needed to work). I felt as though I bumped with a devilish-looking angel. Yes, he looks so cute and captivating. He could be one of the gay-males you see on men’s magazines. I was running to tell my friends whom I saw. I thought this would just be another moment of finding a new crush in the building where I have been working. I thought, after 3 hours or so I would get over it.
I did not for when I went back to the 10th floor to check if someone texted me (people texted me), I saw him there, looking like my soon-to-be partner. I was daydreaming like young girls pretending to be Cinderella…except I was not a young girl. I was looking at another gay-guy who would be the center of the attraction at the clubs…and bars… and in the malls… another gay guy who could be the center of my world… BACKGROUND MUSIC STOPPED!!!!
I had to face reality. I was still taken. I was still in love. I would work it out with Dane. I would because I loved him. I was just a little entertained by that cute gay-guy on the 10th floor because he was NEW. I was just tired of the old faces of those gay-guys I had been seeing every single moment of my life as a Sutherlander....
But as the day went by, things with Dane had never been the same again like those first sparkling weeks… and the 10th floor guy had been invading my life and I didn’t know why.
It was as though Destiny, itself, wanted to say something like, “Hey, you Jadey… Meet 10th floor guy and I want you to see him everytime so that you can have a crush on him everyday until you fall in love and it’s going to be easier for you to move on since Dane would be breaking up with you…soon!!!”
Destiny never formally introduced me to the tenth floor guy so I had to like name him as the EBay guy since he’s from EBay and I was from AT&T. Dane did not break up with me. I broke up with him. It was not because of Ebay-guy but because everything had started to fall into pieces.
Days went by and I had been really addicted to the thought that I would see Ebay guy everyday and we’ll have something in the future. My office friends would always laugh at me whenever I tell them things like: I am so excited to see him, and that the Ebay guy was looking at me too… I was so supercilious. And I knew it was not right.
I would always look forward to see him in a day but I had not seen him for three weeks. Yes, that was too long. I didn’t know what happened but it was all of a sudden. I thought that I would just have to forget Ebay guy. It would always happen in real life… you would have a crush on someone and that would be the beginning and the end of the story… you would just have a crush… period…
It was Wednesday morning and I was about to log in for work. Like what I would always do before logging in, I would fix myself first so that I could look as stunning as I would ever be. I would have a quick moment inside the male washroom to freshen up, take a leak and all that. I was in the middle of putting small amount of powder on my face when HE, the Ebay guy get inside the washroom and I was like Oh-My-God!
Oooppsss… Don’t be green!!!
After three weeks!!! I was as though a fan trying hard to prolong my stay inside the washroom so that I could be with him for like 5 minutes more…. However, I didn’t want to be obvious. I needed to go out so that he wouldn’t think that I like him.
Little did I know, he was right after me and then I whispered something to the lady guard, “Ate, remember the one I have been telling you? The guy at my back is my crush, and the lady guard was like watching a romantic movie… she was almost wet!! Ha-ha! Just kidding.
The lady guard promised me that she would get his whole name for me. Well, I needed the whole name so that I could search for him on Facebook
Three hours after, I went back to the 10th floor and good thing was the lady-guard has the name… it is **v*n **l**r… Okay, it’s Alvin!!!
And she told me that Alvin told him that he was taken… and I got sad… so sad… after all of the excitement I had felt for him, I would only find out that he was owned by someone now. =(
Then I got online. I looked up for him on Facebook but never added him up. Saw that he had an online portfolio because he was into modeling. And I felt sad. That’s the only emotion I felt. I knew that it was weird to feel sad but that was just what I felt. This was inevitable.
I know I easily get attached to someone just by looking at him everyday. I know it is wrong but I am Jadey! This is how the way my life goes.
After 3 days, I found out that he’s a close friend to my friend and it has been a small world… All this time…
My friend is setting up a party wherein our other friends are going to be there and she told me that he would invite Alvin. Well, let’s see what will happen…
This is going to be one ecstatic summer memories!


Thursday, April 8, 2010


Excerpt from my book: The Puzzle Season 2

“No thanks, I’m with my friends and I don’t want leave them here,” said Brody after a man from that bar asked him to come home with him. Then the guy said “Okay” and headed off back to the dance floor.
Since he sat on that table alone and ordered bottles of strong beer, six guys had tried to ask him out and eleven had tried to dance with him.
He would never go out with anyone, or dance with anybody that night aside from the one who had been staring at him since eleven o’clock. He had no time to mingle with others because he honestly did like to break the ice with that one who he best called as “The New Prospect”.
He was bedazzled by that guy wearing a plain black shirt because when that guy stared at him, he was like facing a gay version of Kyle. And Kyle was one hot friend he had been dying to have sex with.
But on the other side of her heart, he didn’t want to have sex with the guy in black. He saw him as someone to put some flammable twists to his currently boring story. He had been waiting for someone to let him realize the feeling of being in love again.
Well, he was still in love with Art but his mind intelligently knew that loving him had been a total waste of time. Arthur may had been sweet to him, but he knew, candy melts and becomes liquid then becomes gas.
He didn’t feel excited anymore whenever Art would visit him at his house, or when he would give him present for the day, and the likes…
Since the New Year started, he had felt the strong urge to break up with Art—again. Even though Art made his Christmas of last year perfectly romantic, it was still not enough. After three days since they celebrated the New Year’s Day, Arthur did something to make the start of the New Year prosaic. Brody had his first worst day of the year.
The first had second, and then there was the third, and so on and so forth... He even had the most horrible Valentine’s Day of all times.
And tonight, all he wanted was to snag someone to talk with about his desperation—desperation to break in from a prison of pain and dissatisfaction. And if he was lucky enough, he wanted to meet up with someone to fall for, someone to help him cope from the unfortunate love-life fate had given him. He wanted to fall in love again, of course, with a new person.
Seeing his prospect dancing to the tune of Shining Star, he felt dazzling. He wanted to congregate every piece of courage so that he could dance with his prospect. What if it was him who the guy was fancying that night—so assuming!
Okay, he wanted to be the one to break the cold ice between them so he needed to drink more beers. He thought that consumption of huge percentage of alcohol would help him possess the guts to do what he had been desiring to do. So he would murder bottles of beers, but the spirit of them wouldn’t invade his blood that fast. He wanted to get drunk as soon as that very moment. He wanted to flirt with that guy. He wanted that guy to make him forget about Arthur!

Three tables away from Brody’s table was Ellisse who was talking to a straight-acting gay guy. She was amused to see that gay guy named Jorge was talking to her like he’s gonna win her heart.
Jorge was a bisexual male who was more attracted to girls than guys. Well, that’s what he told to Ellisse, and she didn’t believed him. She thought if he really was more attracted to the girls than to the guys then what the hell was he doing at a bar where 90 percent of the crowd were guys?
Ellisse just unwillingly came along with Brody and Miko because she was bored from hanging out with her girlfriends so she tried to deviate from the norm girls-night-out. And just in case her friends became wasted and crazy, there would be someone who’d bring the fags home.
She wasn’t easily hit by the power of any kind of alcoholic drinks, unlike Brody. She was the Queen of Liquor.
She found the place amusing. It was her first time here. She was loving to see guys kissing another guys. She was enjoying receiving smiles from gay guys. She was happily terrified by guys touching another guys’ package. She had seen couples of the same gender. These made her forgot her problem with Jax.
Jax, Jax, Jax. Her boyfriend had been making her nights sleepless since they became secret lovers. Only Brody and Miko knew about it, and she didn’t want to tell it to others at the moment.
What Brody told her was enough. Jax was like their little brother since they met him. She was so slutty to have sex with him. She was so bitchy to forget about Rose’s feelings—since Rose had a secret feeling for him. She was evil to forget that Jax was two years younger than she was.
What Miko told her was enough. She was selfish. She was mad and crazy. She was not thinking about what could happen when people discovered their relationship especially, Rose.
Enough of the painful words. She would keep it ‘til things become better.
That moment, she wasn’t completely listening to Nathan. She was thinking about Jax and the things that might happen when her other friends discovered about them.
She envied couples who have all the confidence to become public. Just like the couple at her back who was kissing as if they were the only people around.
She merrily compared straight guys with gay guys. She knew straights are better. She thought, for a moment, was falling in love with gay guys worth it? How would she know the feeling of being with a gay guy if she wouldn’t try.
“Eeewww…” she screamed.
Jorge was surprised. He did nothing or said nothing to make Ellisse utter the word. He was just telling her about how he finished his work for that day.
“What’s wrong? Did I say something?” Jorge curiously asked.
Ellisse went back to reality. She had half-forgotten that she was talking to Nathan.
“Oh, I’m sorry, bad air just intoxicated my mind,” she explained. “What were you saying…?”

On the dance floor was Miko. He was dancing as if that was his last dance. He was totally enjoying the feeling of moving his body with guys who were dancing with him. He was blissful to have guys who, he thought, liked him. He was so wild. He wanted to forget everything… especially Oliver. The guy who broke his heart.
“Straight guy sucks!” he shouted and he continuously danced and danced.
He was holding a glass of Margarita. Like Brody, he wanted to get drunk and cross path with someone to fall in love with. They chose to hang out where they were because they didn’t want to bump with more of straight guys anymore. Straight guys that make their lives hell… at the very least, their kind are greater lovers than straight ones.
Had it not been for Brody’s desperation that made them jump to that bar, he wouldn’t have been body-bumping himself with the cute hunk on his right and a beefy boy on his left.
He continuously swayed his hips, stepped his feet and bumped his body. He would never regret hanging out that night, and would never forget about that memorable fixture with the people around him.
The spirit of alcohol had eaten his sober mind. He was as wild as a lioness craving fresh meat of fat deer. He would dance with anyone he bumped with… even with the ugliest creature inside that very bar.
The dim surrounding illuminated by the green, red and blue laser lights blinded him. He didn’t care about the looks that time. Why fall in love with the looks and get hurt later by a inaudible yet resounding rejection?
Living his life waiting for Darwin to show up from nowhere was a mess. Living his life loving Oliver was a total disaster. One was someone who he promised to he would wait for. One was a straight who courted one of her girl friends that made him scream silently.
He had been in love for how many times already but still, no one would return his love back. He had been saddened by the fact that he was unlucky when it comes to his love life.
And that night, he wanted to prove for the last time whether he’s a total unfortunate or not.
He knew that the three of them went to that bar along with the huge amount of hope to find the difference they had been waiting for. Come what may, they would coerce the fate to give them the exact difference they wanted…


Sunday, April 4, 2010


Sunday Afternoon

Sunday Afternoon.
I am still waiting for something GREAT to happen online. Everything seems to be the same every single day. All of those crazy shoutouts, people trying hard to be noticed, people acting like they are Class A bitches... and me, still the same old Facebooker waiting for something different.
Weeks ago, I met this guy online and I liked him the moment I looked into his eyes (in the picture). YES I AM GAY! And that is our difference. I mean his GAY but it seemed as though he doesn't want the world to know. Or let's just say, he doesn't want to know that the world knows he's gay. (That is the weird part because he actually has an account on
I started following his posts and putting some comments. I knew he liked it. Obviously he has been loving the SPOTLIGHT while he's standing on the stage where he could see people clapping, waving, screaming for him.
I am with the audience. I don't usually want to consider myself a follower especially of a person who ain't even a celebrtiy. But the thing is, I like him so much that I am so willing to be his FAN or to be called a FOLLOWER of him... translation into romantic side, I want to fall in love with him and I want him to fall for me--which is totally impossible.
He has this mysterious quality that I do not like. I mean, this is one of the traits that I do not like in a person. I know if you're playing mysterious, you are hiding something or it's hard for you to show who you really are. I do not like to waste my time figuring out the way to unfold your secrets. I ain't no CSI nor a crystal ball to unravel your mystery... but despite the fact that being MYSTERIOUS is one thing I do not like in a person, I STILL LIKE HIM.
But there is one big thing that turned me off... it's the fact that he doesn't want people to find out his GAY! That pissed me off a bit. I know that I should respect his decision to keep his IDENTITY as a secret but why the F does he have an account on a Gay SocialNetworking site? I mean, obviously, HE IS GAY!
I was just offended as a Gay Man for I know another Gay Man who can't be proud of his real-self. Why be GAY if he can't tell the public that he is one of us?
I was turned off because: First, he can't be real; Second, I want to fall in love with him and I want him be to be my boyfriend and I am going to be proud BIG TIME that we are BFs but HE DOES NOT LIKE people to know he's GAY. How can we tell the world how IN LOVE we are with each other if he will continue hiding.
I know it is totally impossible for us to be together like spoon and fork. That is why I am so thankful that I was turned off already by one thing I totally hate most in a person -- PRETENSE -- MY MAJOR TURN OFF!! NO matter how huge I am a fan of yours if you're fake, I wouldn't like you anymore... That's going to be the end of my admiration to you... But friendship? That's gon'be a different story. =)


Saturday, April 3, 2010


Back To The Old Me

This is going to be my first blogpost after two years. I have been thinking what to write. I barely can think of anything…
I was surfing the net and was seeing different people who has been showing the scientific world what they feel through blogging. Like fishes trying to be noticed and waves trying to make impact.
As far as I remember, this is what I used to do… not long time ago.
Ever since my life became busy, I have started to forget doing some blogpost particularly when it comes to what I feel. Or maybe, I intentionally forget doing it.
Somehow, I have realized that I don’t need the whole world to know what I feel. I ain’t a pop idol. When I post what I feel, would the whole world care? Do they even know what I am going through? Do they even know who Jadey is? NO.
Then, I started telling myself that instead of being a blogger, why not express what I feel by sending general text-messages to my closest friends. In this way, I am sure that the people who read my emotions are the people who care for me – well, at least 90% of them.
I am not the sort of person who crave spotlight just to be noticed. Yes, it makes me delightful when people notice me, but I am used to the kind of life where only my family and closest friends are the dedicated followers. Besides, pleasing everybody is tough—what more when you want everybody to know what you feel.
But somewhere inside my corrupted mind is telling me that no matter how hard I stop myself from doing blogposts, it is in my deep nature to write… express what I feel… scream by means of pen and paper (now digital notebooks and keyboards).
Therefore, here I am again. Trying to capture the attention of those Homo sapiens who know how to read and navigate computers. Obviously, I am starting to be a blogger one moment more. And I hope coming back to the old hobby won’t be a waste of time…